So it’s Friday night and you are out with your boys having some beers and shooting some pool at a place in your neighborhood you don’t frequent but go to occasionally because of the pool tables. Not usually the kind of place to meet chicks but tonight the juke box is bumping and there is a hot girl in the bar that keeps giving you eyes.

You noticed her when you got there and she has been giving you attention. Blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic but not too athletic. Curvy with jeans that ride low, but not too low, and no tramp stamp to ruin the visual. A solid B+ that tonight is more like an A-. And she is making you think that you have a chance.  Your liquid courage is flowing, you start feeling like the man and for a few minutes you can see yourself undressing her in your car later that evening.

Problem is it’s never going to happen brother. Yes you heard me, you don’t stand a chance. Your fresh cologne, those $300 jeans you’re rocking and that new David Yurman dog tag you over-paid for and you aren’t even leaving with her digits. Sliding her jeans off in the back seat of your car later? Forget about it.

The reason? The reason is her name is the Bartender. And the Bartender my friends, might be the hardest conquest in the world for a bachelor out with the boys on a Friday night.  Double black diamond, kids don’t try this at home kind of stuff we are talking about here.  Thinking you can take home a hot bartender is one of the biggest traps a man can fall into.

Think about it. She’s heard all of your lines, all of your jokes and all variations of your dialogue. She knows you drink Budweiser and shots of Patron chilled and that you used your quarters to play “Poker Face” on the jukebox.  She knows who you hang with and just saw your wasted buddy walk into the Women’s bathroom by mistake ten minutes ago. She knows your game inside and out and you don’t even know her first name. Put short, she eats guys like you for breakfast for a living and she doesn’t shit where she eats.

So next time you find yourself in this situation and a hot bartender gives you that seductive stare, do yourself a favor my friends and heed the very appropriate advice of my close friend Vincent Vega: “You’re gonna thank her for a nice evening, go home, jerk-off and that’s all you’re gonna do.”